Day 40: What a Relief!

One of the things doctors keep telling me because I've been experiencing preterm labor is to avoid stress which can trigger early contractions.  However, avoiding stress is easier said than done, even while I've been on bed rest.  I lay here and stress about a variety of things, including the baby and pains that could be labor-causing (lately I've been experiencing round ligament pain, which can be pretty debilitating).  I stress about the well-being of our five year old son and not overburdening my husband and mother-in-law who have been taking on my slack.  I  worry about how we're going to get our next meal on the table when I'm down and out, and so much more.  Another HUGE stress that's been looming over us is J's state boards.  I didn't realize how stressed I was about his exam until I heard the results today, and what a relief I felt.  I am happy to report that he did it! J passed his state nursing boards with flying colors and now is a RN! We are so proud!  No more purple student scrubs and no more stressing out about this test!

Day 39: Feeling Blessed

Yesterday I talked about uncertainty and feeling out of sorts.  We still don't have J's test results (we are praying he passed), and I'm sure there are many B melt-downs to come.  I am still laying in bed uncomfortable and yearning to be off bed rest, but I am thankful that I am still pregnant.  So rather than focus on the unknowns, the pains, and the difficulties, I started focusing on the positives today.  These are the blessings I thought of today: 

•  I am blessed to have J who has handled our stressful situation and all of his added responsibilities in stride.  I am also blessed to have B, my precious son, who continues to find joy and delight in his play area around my bedside.  The highlight of my day is when he comes home from school and we spend time together reading and talking. 
• I am blessed to have family and friends who are supporting me through this.  I love talking to my amazing mother who understands bed rest and pregnancy (she had seven of us).  She encourages me to keep going (she's pushing for 37+ weeks).  I also love the online support from family and friends (thank you, Facebook!)
• I am blessed to have an amazing set of in-laws who help as needed.  My mother-in-law is here at a drop of a hat to relieve the strain and stress of our situation.  I am very grateful for all the help she has provided.
• I am blessed by the friends and family members who have brought in meals.  We wouldn't have been able to eat without them some days.
• I am so blessed to STILL be carrying a healthy baby boy who continues to thrive with each passing day.
• I am blessed with the gift of time - the one thing we all wish we had more of.
• I am so blessed to be able to bed rest at home, comfortably and able to be with B and J. 
• I am blessed with great doctors who are doing everything in their power for us to have a healthy baby boy.
• I am blessed to have found peace with my situation and know that I can rest and be comforted every day this Baby stays put.

I am just so incredibly blessed.

Day 34: Anti-Gravity Therapy and Coping with UI

I debated on posting a photo today because it shows me in a rather awkward position (literally), but I've decided to bear it all on this blog, so posting it prevailed.  I have been in this position off and on throughout the day.  It seems to alleviate some of the discomfort of uterine irritability (UI), contractions, and the pressure Baby Boy is putting on my pelvis. 

Yesterday was awful with so many contractions and the pain and tightening caused by uterine irritability.  Lately my uterus feels like one big rock or tightened fist and I've had menstrual like cramps along with the contractions.  I was mercifully able to sleep last night without a sleeping pill and only minor discomfort.  A bath this morning helped me relax, but they came back soon after and have been consistent ever since.  I am just trying to ignore and endure them as best and for as long as possible, hoping that they're not doing anything to change my cervix.  As long as they're not, I can soldier on, even with the pain, if it helps Baby Boy get closer to term.  But the feeling of anxiety over the possibility that labor could escalate and result in a very premature baby still looms.

Medical personnel say that although contractions caused by uterine irritability can be painful they usually do not cause cervical change and should not be worrisome.  However, in all the research I've done, it is also pointed out that with UI, or frequent Braxton Hicks type contractions (which are the type of contractions pregnant women are typically told not to worry about), could in fact, lead to preterm labor/cervical change and premature birth.  If UI really does not cause dilation and true labor, doctors suggest some think women with an irritable uterus should have no reason to worry and should just go about their daily lives, dealing with mild discomfort to severe pain, but not needing to be concerned about preterm labor and birth.  Because I have no idea whether I'm going to go into preterm labor or if Baby Boy will hang on for the long haul, enduring UI contractions is nerve-wracking.

      

I am already doing all the things I can to prevent further contractions (resting, laying on my left side, drinking lots of water, emptying my bladder, baths, hot water bottle), so it's annoying that they are still plaguing me. I've also been told to go to Labor and Delivery if my contractions change or get more intense or if I am experiencing pain.  This is a muddy description because they're always changing and more painful lately, though I'm getting better at waiting them out to see if they eventually mellow, which they thankfully have. But as I said, there is always the worry that they're causing problems.  I was telling my mom that when I was pregnant with B (my first pregnancy) I wasn't as concerned as I am this time around because I thought most of the aches and pains were normal for pregnancy and then I was only on modified bed rest.  I also didn't realize the dangers of preterm labor and how hard it is to have a premature baby.  Thankfully B was only five weeks early and was pretty healthy albeit small (5 lbs., 1 oz).  He was on a C-Pap for an hour and only had a five day stay in the NICU while he learned to eat. I probably could have gone longer if the contractions weren't so constant (every two minutes for two weeks) and they weren't dilating my cervix.  At that point, I was dilated to a five and the doctor decided to break my water.  We are so thankful B did so well and want the best chance for this baby to do the same thing.  B was and is a blessing and he is so worth all the bed rest, pain, and discomfort I experienced.  This baby will be too.

   

Sometimes we are asked to brave difficult and painful experiences to help us in the future. I got a blessing today to help with my discomfort (both physical and emotional), and that helped.  I know Heavenly Father is watching over us and that He loves us, though we sometimes have to suffer to bring us closer to Him and get something great in return (like a healthy newborn).  So I have faith that I can endure these contractions and get this baby to at least 35 weeks (or until my water breaks or doctors are really concerned).  The suffering will all be worth it when we have another healthy baby boy in our arms.  

With that, I leave you with a quote from Thomas S. Monson's most recent General Relief Society address,  It gave me comfort this morning.  ". .  .Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.

As we seek our Heavenly Father through fervent, sincere prayer and earnest, dedicated scripture study, our testimonies will become strong and deeply rooted. We will know of God’s love for us. We will understand that we do not ever walk alone. I promise you that you will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that He was always there beside you. I know this to be true . : ."