Day 24: A Change in Schedule

Like I said yesterday, we're trying to find a normal for life on bed rest, so even though I can't leave the house or perform household duties, I am trying to provide J and B with the support they need to get through this.  Of course they're giving me the help I need too, and by lowering my stress level, I have fewer contractions.  I love when B gets home from school and talks to me and I like spending time with J too.  They make my bed rest days go better. 

To provide them with support, I have added a few things to my bed rest schedule.  I added online grocery shopping and meal planning so J doesn't have to worry about those things and can focus more on what he needs to do to accomplish his career goals.  In addition to our reading time, I've added a game or play time with B.  After some melt-downs and a rough morning today with lots of anger and tears (I put syrup on his French toast), I've come to the conclusion that he needs more attention from me.  He gets a lot of attention from J and Grandma these days, but he needs to feel my love and involvement in his life.  We know he's just reacting to his circumstances, so I'm trying to step up his support system and give him a better outlet for his frustration.  Hopefully doing these things will help all of my boys (including Baby) while I'm on bed rest.

Day 23: Family Stress

I knew bed rest would take its toll on me, but I didn't, however, anticipate how life-changing this experience would be for my son and husband.  Bed rest is stressful for me because I'm worried about the baby 24/7, I can't give B the normalcy he needs while laying down, and I can't carry out my usual duties that help our house run and take pressure off of J.  I also don't like depending on J (and others) for all my needs and feel extremely demanding.  It's been hard for me to let go of some things, but I'm managing to live with messes like the ones below.  It's difficult to find a good balance right now while I'm down and out and because J is taking on so much, he is super stressed, and I know B is feeling a bit traumatized by all this too.  I hate how much my being laid up has disrupted their lives. 

 

Like I mentioned the other day, J is preparing to take his state boards but even with others' help, because he's been taking care of me and B, cooking meals at my demand, and doing chores, he hasn't been able to study much.  That's something he needs to do so he can pass his test and start working.  I can't help but feel that my being on bed rest a hindrance to his progress because he worries so much about me and is trying to be at my beckon call.  He's even mentioned that it was easier for him not to worry about my needs when I was in the hospital.   The stress while I'm on bed rest has caused  some tension, but I have to remember we're all just doing our best, and we have to cut each other some slack.  I know J is going out of his way to serve me, so all I can do is show my appreciation in return and help how I can.  Speaking of serving, if anyone has any SUPER easy meal ideas so he doesn't feel so burdened, that would be great.  I have some crock pot and casserole recipes he can throw together, but it's still stressful for him to do much meal prep when he's trying to study, work, and take care of his family.   

B has also been feeling the stress.  The poor kid has had MAJOR meltdowns the last two nights and even cried himself to sleep.  I can't help but feel he's traumatized and that it's my fault because I can't parent and function normally while on bed rest.  Adjusting to me being on bed rest has been difficult on all  of us, and I pray that we can find the balance we need to survive this AND get Baby here safely in as many weeks as possible. I'm just thankful that each day gives us a fresh start.  I'm also thankful for prayer which I know can get our entire family (including Baby Boy) through this difficult time.  This afternoon was much better, as I had dinner planned, B and I did our reading time, and we started taking down the Christmas decor (It's about time, I know).  Hopefully this trend continues and we can find a "normal" for life on bed rest.