Day 41: Staying the Course

After almost 6 weeks of bed rest, lots of contractions and uterine irritability, two scares that required hospital visits, J's state boards, meltdowns from B, and other stresses, I finally feel I can breathe a sigh of relief.  Tomorrow I'll be 33 weeks along!  Baby Boy would likely do pretty well if born at this stage, though he'd still be early and have to stay in the NICU.  My cervix, albeit very short, is hanging in there, and I haven't had many unbearable contraction episodes this week.  I'm managing to stay busy and positive and am still plugging along.  I am also confident in the blessing I got last week that said that my body would be able to continue to protect the baby for "several more weeks."  Now that J has passed his test and we're in less of a crisis mode as far as Baby Boy is concerned, I feel a lot more safe and secure, and I'm grateful for that.  That doesn't mean I won't stay the course.  I've made it this far and won't give up anytime soon.  I'm still hoping for 36 weeks or beyond, but in the meantime, I will just take it day by day and count every day I stay pregnant as a blessing.

Day 40: What a Relief!

One of the things doctors keep telling me because I've been experiencing preterm labor is to avoid stress which can trigger early contractions.  However, avoiding stress is easier said than done, even while I've been on bed rest.  I lay here and stress about a variety of things, including the baby and pains that could be labor-causing (lately I've been experiencing round ligament pain, which can be pretty debilitating).  I stress about the well-being of our five year old son and not overburdening my husband and mother-in-law who have been taking on my slack.  I  worry about how we're going to get our next meal on the table when I'm down and out, and so much more.  Another HUGE stress that's been looming over us is J's state boards.  I didn't realize how stressed I was about his exam until I heard the results today, and what a relief I felt.  I am happy to report that he did it! J passed his state nursing boards with flying colors and now is a RN! We are so proud!  No more purple student scrubs and no more stressing out about this test!

Day 39: Feeling Blessed

Yesterday I talked about uncertainty and feeling out of sorts.  We still don't have J's test results (we are praying he passed), and I'm sure there are many B melt-downs to come.  I am still laying in bed uncomfortable and yearning to be off bed rest, but I am thankful that I am still pregnant.  So rather than focus on the unknowns, the pains, and the difficulties, I started focusing on the positives today.  These are the blessings I thought of today: 

•  I am blessed to have J who has handled our stressful situation and all of his added responsibilities in stride.  I am also blessed to have B, my precious son, who continues to find joy and delight in his play area around my bedside.  The highlight of my day is when he comes home from school and we spend time together reading and talking. 
• I am blessed to have family and friends who are supporting me through this.  I love talking to my amazing mother who understands bed rest and pregnancy (she had seven of us).  She encourages me to keep going (she's pushing for 37+ weeks).  I also love the online support from family and friends (thank you, Facebook!)
• I am blessed to have an amazing set of in-laws who help as needed.  My mother-in-law is here at a drop of a hat to relieve the strain and stress of our situation.  I am very grateful for all the help she has provided.
• I am blessed by the friends and family members who have brought in meals.  We wouldn't have been able to eat without them some days.
• I am so blessed to STILL be carrying a healthy baby boy who continues to thrive with each passing day.
• I am blessed with the gift of time - the one thing we all wish we had more of.
• I am so blessed to be able to bed rest at home, comfortably and able to be with B and J. 
• I am blessed with great doctors who are doing everything in their power for us to have a healthy baby boy.
• I am blessed to have found peace with my situation and know that I can rest and be comforted every day this Baby stays put.

I am just so incredibly blessed.

Day 38: Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

Last Wednesday I posted about stability, and now a week later, I'm posting about uncertainty. It's funny how often we vacillate between these two in our lives, but testing is what life is all about. We're trying to be positive, but waiting for J's nursing board results after he takes his test today is nerve-wracking. We won't know whether or not he passed until Saturday at the earliest. Add that on to the complications I've had in this pregnancy and laying on bed rest when I have all the time in the world to think about a million worst case scenarios for me and Baby, I'm a mess today. I'm also worried about B's emotional health. He's been acting out (throwing things and hitting) and saying things (like "I don't like you" or "No, I won't do it, EVER.") that he never said or did a few weeks ago, all because he's frustrated by the loss of control and routine that bed rest has caused. We calm him down and it lasts a day or two, but then he has another even bigger meltdown the next time. I hate how difficult this is for B and how stressed J has been because of his test and his increased responsibility. Right now we're a little nervous with all the uncertainty that life has thrown at us, but we'll continue to do our best and proceed with faith and prayer as we have always done. We honestly thank you for all the prayers said in our behalf. We know prayers are answered.

In other news, B and I will be returning home today after nearly two weeks at my in-laws so that J could work and study without interruptions. It's been nice for me to have a change of scenery and for J not to have to worry about taking care of me and B while he's been making plans for his exam and career (though he did come over and visit frequently). I appreciate all the help my mother-in-law has given us. She's been wonderful the last few weeks making meals, taking care of B, doing laundry and housework for us, and providing other much-needed help. As nice as it's been here, I am glad to be going home and to be under the same roof as a family again. We need it so we can weather these difficult times. We're hanging in there and once again, we appreciate all the prayers and encouragement. We'll let you know as soon as we know anything regarding J's test.

Playing his great grandma's auto harp (I'm so glad he found something to do that calmed him and made him happy).

Day 37: 32 Weeks Pregnancy Survey

Rather than do a narrative today, I thought I'd do a pregnancy survey each week for the next few weeks.  But just so you know, I'm doing well and Baby is still hanging in there.  I only had a little uterine irritability today, which mostly appeared when I got stressed and  emotional when B had another melt down (he stayed home from school and had a much needed rest day).   Here's my answers for my 32 week pregnancy survey.

How far along:  32 weeks and 2 days
Total weight gain: 23 pounds to date (That's A LOT for me, and most of it was put on in the last few weeks because of a high calorie, high protein diet to help bulk up Baby in case of prematurity, but I'm trying not to go too crazy here).
How big is baby: At my ultrasound yesterday, the tech informed me that Baby Boy is measuring 4 pounds, 6 ounces, and I’m measuring a week ahead. Baby is at the 53rd percentile, and probably won't be anywhere near that percentile after birth (B was never really on the growth charts)
Gen­der: Definitely a BOY!  There's no denying it on all the ultrasounds we've seen.
Baby Move­ment: Lots!  This boy is a puncher or kicker, that's for sure.
Mater­nity clothes:  I'm living mostly in maternity shirts paired with my old pajama bottoms, which I'm stretching to their limits (and I can't really go to the store for new ones at this point), but I enjoy dressing up in my favorite maternity wear for doctor's appointments or just to make myself feel better some days. 
Stretch marks: Few new ones, but they're there. 
Belly But­ton (in or out?): Still in
Wed­ding Rings (on or off): Still on
How I’m feeling:  Huge. I’ve gotten bigger with this pregnancy and it shows (that's what happens when you lay around and eat, try to bulk up Baby with Boost protein drinks, and don't get any exercise).  Because of the weight and a constantly contracting uterus, I'm sore and uncomfortable,but emotionally, I'm staying positive so I can get through the next several week.  
What I miss:  Being able to sleep on my stomach, being able to pick up B, being able to cook and help my family members, being able to be up and around (I miss lots of things because of bed rest).
Symptoms:  If you read my blog, you'll know all the symptoms I've experienced:  contractions that put me into labor at 28 weeks with a 48 hour hospital stay, lots of uterine irritability that causes pain and contractions (that once sent us to the hospital, thinking they were the real thing), a cervix that has shortened (effaced) early, a sore abdomen, and round ligament pain (among others).  Oh, the joys! 
Sleep:  It's getting harder and harder to sleep comfortably with a growing belly and contractions, and even hugging a pillow doesn't always help.  My doctor gave me an Ambien prescription, but I try to only use it as a last resort.
Cravings:  Anything fried (mozzarella cheese sticks anyone?)
Food Aversions:  None. I will eat anything and everything at this point. And apparently it shows.  I still have a huge gag reflex and smells (like that of raw chicken) get to me, as does brushing my teeth.
Hardships This Week:  B's fits.  I am worried about my kids (this baby and B who has been negatively affected by the pregnancy complications and has had a turn for the worst behaviorally and emotionally).  I'm also worried about my husband who takes his state boards tomorrow and is really anxious about the exam.
Highlights this week:  My spa day yesterday
What I'm looking forward to:  J passing his test so he's less stressed and being at home again after being at my in-laws for almost two weeks.

Day 36: Time Off For Good Behavior

As a celebration for reaching 32 weeks, I had someone come in and give me a haircut, manicure, pedicure, and eyebrow wax.  All these things, except the haircut, were done at home while in a reclining or laying position (per doctor's stipulations).  It felt SO good to have my feet massaged, my hair done, and to feel better because I look better.  Let's face it, after a few days sick in bed, most of us feel our worst and don't want to look in the mirror.  After weeks of bed rest and throwing my hair in a messy bun, laying around thinking about how gross my feet were getting, and feeling like I was going to look like Bert from Sesame Street soon if something wasn't done about my eyebrows, it was time.  It was a great morale booster and felt so good to be pampered before my doctor's appointment this afternoon (Read on for news about that). 

The salon treatment and doctor's appointment today made for the most exciting day I've had in weeks.  We had some really good news.  The ultrasound showed Baby Boy is measuring great (about 4 pounds, 6 ounces), mostly because he has a big head (that measured 35 weeks while his tummy and thighs measured smaller and averaged 32-33 weeks).  The baby has his face turned toward my back, so we didn't get a profile shot but he has a very nice back of the head.  (I don't know what I'm going to do if he's already refusing to pose and smile for pictures at this very tender age).  I am also happy to report that my cervix is still stable even with all the contractions I've had lately.  There's some more "funneling/"opening where Baby's head is pressing on my cervix, but that's to be expected because I carry low and my cervix has shortened so dramatically.  

With B, my amniotic fluid levels were a little high the week he was born, which can indicate an abnormality (Down Syndrome, cleft pallet, neurological problems) or more likely, low kidney function for the baby.  So doctors will do another ultrasound in a few weeks just to make sure all my levels look good and Baby Boy is still thriving.  I'm not going to freak out unless we see that again and Baby is in danger.   I know I am being watched closely by wonderful doctors, and that is very comforting, and as I said, I know the Lord is watching out for us too. I'm pleased that everything looked good today, and I'll keep pressing on in bed rest journey so we can get to that 36 week mark or beyond.        

B's sticking out his tongue that was made blue by the Jolly Rachers that are always his first stop at the OB office.

Day 35: 32 Weeks, Time to Celebrate

We made it to 32 weeks! This is a good landmark developmentally speaking and doctors said they'd be pleased if I got  to this point, so we're celebrating (as much as I can while in bed). If the baby were born today, he'd only be considered moderately premature and could weigh up to 4 pounds. He'd be in the NICU for several weeks until he could breath, eat, and maintain his temperature on his own, but he'd likely experience few long term effects of prematurity. So 32 weeks is a good milestone, but I'm not giving up yet. This pregnancy isn't over until it's over.

When I started experiencing preterm labor at 25 weeks along, I was really scared about the survival and health of our baby. At that point, the doctor's initial goal for this baby of 32 weeks, seemed very far away, and somehow seemed even further away when I was put on bed rest five weeks ago. Anyone following out progress knows it's been a nerve wracking couple of weeks, with trips to the hospital for preterm labor, more contractions, J's test and job preparations, B being completely thrown off, and other life stresses. So I'm happy to report we reached the 32 week mark!  Now I'm charging forth to my next weekly goal, though we're shooting for 36 weeks or more. I'm excited we got to 32 weeks for the health of the baby, and also because that means only one month of strict bed rest remains!

Highlights of Week Thirty-Two (30 week fetal age):

Baby's length is 16+ inches and baby's weight is about 3 pounds, 8 oz.+ (the size of a small squash or melon) Baby now has fingernails and toenails Starting to sleep in 20-40 minute periods and could be dreaming in utero Baby is head down Brain continues to develop The baby’s skeleton is completely formed by now, but the bones are soft and flexible, and will harden later. Because of Baby's growth, there's less room in the womb for baby to move so movements may start to feel less exaggerated for Mom  Hair (or peach fuzz) growing on head Skin is becoming less translucent and more opaque as well as soft and smooth as fat tissue starts to grow under the skin Baby is practicing swallowing, breathing, and sucking moments to prepare for being outside the womb