Day 52: Don't Feel Up to Much

I have had lots of contractions and menstrual-like cramping in the last 24 hours.  I am one uncomfortable mama-to-be.  In fact, I slept most of the day today just so I could bear them.  I didn't feel like doing much (though I finished writing out my to-do list and my shopping list for the baby preparations, so if I can't get those things done, someone else can).  Earlier this week I planned to take my little field trip today, but because of the contractions, I opted to stay home in bed.  We'll take the field trip tomorrow or Saturday and go to a restaurant and to pick up our Pack N' Play.  I know . . . I'm a dud, my first chance to really go out, and I chose to stay here and keep laying on my left side.   But I just didn't want to push my luck with these contractions and being slightly dilated already. I hope the contractions are not really doing anything and won't get more regular.  I'll be taking an Ambien in a few minutes so I can get through the night and hopefully relax my uterus a little bit and stop these contractions.  34 1/2 weeks is great, but I'm getting greedy and going for 37. While I know there are many people with bigger concerns than we have, between the preterm labor and J's job interview tomorrow, we'd appreciate your prayers.

J bought this cute onesie and it made me smile through the contractions.

Day 38: Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

Last Wednesday I posted about stability, and now a week later, I'm posting about uncertainty. It's funny how often we vacillate between these two in our lives, but testing is what life is all about. We're trying to be positive, but waiting for J's nursing board results after he takes his test today is nerve-wracking. We won't know whether or not he passed until Saturday at the earliest. Add that on to the complications I've had in this pregnancy and laying on bed rest when I have all the time in the world to think about a million worst case scenarios for me and Baby, I'm a mess today. I'm also worried about B's emotional health. He's been acting out (throwing things and hitting) and saying things (like "I don't like you" or "No, I won't do it, EVER.") that he never said or did a few weeks ago, all because he's frustrated by the loss of control and routine that bed rest has caused. We calm him down and it lasts a day or two, but then he has another even bigger meltdown the next time. I hate how difficult this is for B and how stressed J has been because of his test and his increased responsibility. Right now we're a little nervous with all the uncertainty that life has thrown at us, but we'll continue to do our best and proceed with faith and prayer as we have always done. We honestly thank you for all the prayers said in our behalf. We know prayers are answered.

In other news, B and I will be returning home today after nearly two weeks at my in-laws so that J could work and study without interruptions. It's been nice for me to have a change of scenery and for J not to have to worry about taking care of me and B while he's been making plans for his exam and career (though he did come over and visit frequently). I appreciate all the help my mother-in-law has given us. She's been wonderful the last few weeks making meals, taking care of B, doing laundry and housework for us, and providing other much-needed help. As nice as it's been here, I am glad to be going home and to be under the same roof as a family again. We need it so we can weather these difficult times. We're hanging in there and once again, we appreciate all the prayers and encouragement. We'll let you know as soon as we know anything regarding J's test.

Playing his great grandma's auto harp (I'm so glad he found something to do that calmed him and made him happy).

Day 34: Anti-Gravity Therapy and Coping with UI

I debated on posting a photo today because it shows me in a rather awkward position (literally), but I've decided to bear it all on this blog, so posting it prevailed.  I have been in this position off and on throughout the day.  It seems to alleviate some of the discomfort of uterine irritability (UI), contractions, and the pressure Baby Boy is putting on my pelvis. 

Yesterday was awful with so many contractions and the pain and tightening caused by uterine irritability.  Lately my uterus feels like one big rock or tightened fist and I've had menstrual like cramps along with the contractions.  I was mercifully able to sleep last night without a sleeping pill and only minor discomfort.  A bath this morning helped me relax, but they came back soon after and have been consistent ever since.  I am just trying to ignore and endure them as best and for as long as possible, hoping that they're not doing anything to change my cervix.  As long as they're not, I can soldier on, even with the pain, if it helps Baby Boy get closer to term.  But the feeling of anxiety over the possibility that labor could escalate and result in a very premature baby still looms.

Medical personnel say that although contractions caused by uterine irritability can be painful they usually do not cause cervical change and should not be worrisome.  However, in all the research I've done, it is also pointed out that with UI, or frequent Braxton Hicks type contractions (which are the type of contractions pregnant women are typically told not to worry about), could in fact, lead to preterm labor/cervical change and premature birth.  If UI really does not cause dilation and true labor, doctors suggest some think women with an irritable uterus should have no reason to worry and should just go about their daily lives, dealing with mild discomfort to severe pain, but not needing to be concerned about preterm labor and birth.  Because I have no idea whether I'm going to go into preterm labor or if Baby Boy will hang on for the long haul, enduring UI contractions is nerve-wracking.

      

I am already doing all the things I can to prevent further contractions (resting, laying on my left side, drinking lots of water, emptying my bladder, baths, hot water bottle), so it's annoying that they are still plaguing me. I've also been told to go to Labor and Delivery if my contractions change or get more intense or if I am experiencing pain.  This is a muddy description because they're always changing and more painful lately, though I'm getting better at waiting them out to see if they eventually mellow, which they thankfully have. But as I said, there is always the worry that they're causing problems.  I was telling my mom that when I was pregnant with B (my first pregnancy) I wasn't as concerned as I am this time around because I thought most of the aches and pains were normal for pregnancy and then I was only on modified bed rest.  I also didn't realize the dangers of preterm labor and how hard it is to have a premature baby.  Thankfully B was only five weeks early and was pretty healthy albeit small (5 lbs., 1 oz).  He was on a C-Pap for an hour and only had a five day stay in the NICU while he learned to eat. I probably could have gone longer if the contractions weren't so constant (every two minutes for two weeks) and they weren't dilating my cervix.  At that point, I was dilated to a five and the doctor decided to break my water.  We are so thankful B did so well and want the best chance for this baby to do the same thing.  B was and is a blessing and he is so worth all the bed rest, pain, and discomfort I experienced.  This baby will be too.

   

Sometimes we are asked to brave difficult and painful experiences to help us in the future. I got a blessing today to help with my discomfort (both physical and emotional), and that helped.  I know Heavenly Father is watching over us and that He loves us, though we sometimes have to suffer to bring us closer to Him and get something great in return (like a healthy newborn).  So I have faith that I can endure these contractions and get this baby to at least 35 weeks (or until my water breaks or doctors are really concerned).  The suffering will all be worth it when we have another healthy baby boy in our arms.  

With that, I leave you with a quote from Thomas S. Monson's most recent General Relief Society address,  It gave me comfort this morning.  ". .  .Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.

As we seek our Heavenly Father through fervent, sincere prayer and earnest, dedicated scripture study, our testimonies will become strong and deeply rooted. We will know of God’s love for us. We will understand that we do not ever walk alone. I promise you that you will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that He was always there beside you. I know this to be true . : ." 

Day 33: Diary of the Contracting Woman

 

Here is a list of all my contractions in the last 24 hours.  They've been getting more regular the last few days, and although most were caused by uterine irritability, but some, especially those I had around noon, were very real, painful, and frequent.  But thankfully, I was able to weather through them and Baby Boy and I are still hanging in there, though I am one very uncomfortable pregnant woman.  The discomfort is worth it, and I remember I was able to get through it with B, but that doesn't make it any easier to endure.  If the constant contractions are starting this early, the next few weeks are going to be even longer and more difficult than the last, so I'm praying for comfort, strength, and endurance, for the sake of Baby Boy.

Honestly, these last couple of weeks with J's injuries, preparations for his test and career, and bed rest have been a lot to process.  I'm thankful that the first 24 weeks of this pregnancy were uneventful.  When I began experiencing issues at 25 weeks, it was scary because we were nervous about an extremely premature baby who might not make it.  At 28 weeks we breathed a small sigh of relief after getting shots for Baby Boy's lungs.  He won't be a micro preemie.  At 31 we feel like he's awesome little safer, but he still has a long way to go.  Despite our continued prayers for a full term baby, I can only take this pregnancy one day at a time.  Today is better for him than yesterday; tonight is better than this morning.

On Tuesday I have another ultrasound to check on Baby Boy's growth at 32 weeks.  I'm always concerned about his weight since B. was and is still so little, and my belly is so tiny (though part of that is because Baby is so low).  Hopefully there is a 3 1/2 pound baby hanging out in there somewhere!  32 weeks doesn't feel quite safe, but it feels safer than 28 or even 30.

We know that God has His hand on this pregnancy, J's career goals, and every other aspect of our lives.  There is no other explanation for how this baby is still in utero.  Thank you for joining us in our prayers for my comfort, J to pass his test, B to be emotionally stable, and more time so we can have a healthy baby boy.  We truly appreciate it!

I managed a smile between contractions.  A warm water bottle on my abdomen and the distraction of the tablet computer helped me to endure them.

Day 31: Thursday Thank-Yous and One Month Down

I can hardly believe that I have already been on bed rest for one month as of today.  The days are long, and some days I feel like I'll go crazy if I lay down for one more minute, but I stay put because I know that's what is best for Baby Boy.  I'm just trying to stay positive and keep moving toward the next milestone in this pregnancy.  One month down, two to go!

One thing I have learned this last month of bed rest is that sometimes I need to slow down.  It helps me appreciate the little things that I take for granted each day (steamy showers, leaving the house at will, picking up B to give him a hug, cooking for my family, taking B to and from school, etc.) .  I've also learned that sometimes it's important to ask for help.  I know I wouldn't be at this point without the help and prayers of others. 

Thank you to everyone who has made this doable, including my husband who has a lot of weight  on his shoulders (literally since the left shoulder is still broken from his snowboarding accident a month ago).  He's been working, studying for his state boards, and filling out job applications while still managing to take care of his family, which hasn't been easy since bed rest makes for less than a normal family routine.  A big thanks to my mother-in-law who has helped with B, allowed me to stay at her house, and made meals.  The cards, the meals, the emails, and the phone calls from friends and family have also been a huge boost and a huge help.  I have been surviving on your prayers and encouragement. I appreciate all of you for being so supportive.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!