Day 38: Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

Last Wednesday I posted about stability, and now a week later, I'm posting about uncertainty. It's funny how often we vacillate between these two in our lives, but testing is what life is all about. We're trying to be positive, but waiting for J's nursing board results after he takes his test today is nerve-wracking. We won't know whether or not he passed until Saturday at the earliest. Add that on to the complications I've had in this pregnancy and laying on bed rest when I have all the time in the world to think about a million worst case scenarios for me and Baby, I'm a mess today. I'm also worried about B's emotional health. He's been acting out (throwing things and hitting) and saying things (like "I don't like you" or "No, I won't do it, EVER.") that he never said or did a few weeks ago, all because he's frustrated by the loss of control and routine that bed rest has caused. We calm him down and it lasts a day or two, but then he has another even bigger meltdown the next time. I hate how difficult this is for B and how stressed J has been because of his test and his increased responsibility. Right now we're a little nervous with all the uncertainty that life has thrown at us, but we'll continue to do our best and proceed with faith and prayer as we have always done. We honestly thank you for all the prayers said in our behalf. We know prayers are answered.

In other news, B and I will be returning home today after nearly two weeks at my in-laws so that J could work and study without interruptions. It's been nice for me to have a change of scenery and for J not to have to worry about taking care of me and B while he's been making plans for his exam and career (though he did come over and visit frequently). I appreciate all the help my mother-in-law has given us. She's been wonderful the last few weeks making meals, taking care of B, doing laundry and housework for us, and providing other much-needed help. As nice as it's been here, I am glad to be going home and to be under the same roof as a family again. We need it so we can weather these difficult times. We're hanging in there and once again, we appreciate all the prayers and encouragement. We'll let you know as soon as we know anything regarding J's test.

Playing his great grandma's auto harp (I'm so glad he found something to do that calmed him and made him happy).

Day 32: A Pick-Me-Up

My sister-in-law, who is well acquainted with bed rest and uterine abnormalities sent me a great email this morning.  As I said, she knows firsthand the rollercoaster that is bed rest (though I realize I don't have it nearly as bad . . .she was also sick the whole time) and said "Every day of being stuck and not moving is torture. So,here is something to cheer you up." Last night was really rough because B had another melt-down that stressed all of us out (and J doesn't need extra stress while he's studying for his state boards which he takes next Thursday).  It's hard to balance cutting B some slack and not giving in to everything he wants just because his life has been turned upside down by all of this.  I think we've all felt a loss of control with the change in our routine, so we'll continue to adjust and plan so each day is better and things go more smoothly for him.  B also woke up with nightmares thinking I'd left him, so I was up twice consoling him.  I have also experienced several contractions today and have been worried an uncomfortable.  After that, I needed a  pick me up this morning and this link was it.  So thanks, S and others woo have provided entertainment , encouragement, and support every day.  Here's a taste of what you'll see.  Hopefully it will bring a smile to your face like it did to mine.

 

Day 24: A Change in Schedule

Like I said yesterday, we're trying to find a normal for life on bed rest, so even though I can't leave the house or perform household duties, I am trying to provide J and B with the support they need to get through this.  Of course they're giving me the help I need too, and by lowering my stress level, I have fewer contractions.  I love when B gets home from school and talks to me and I like spending time with J too.  They make my bed rest days go better. 

To provide them with support, I have added a few things to my bed rest schedule.  I added online grocery shopping and meal planning so J doesn't have to worry about those things and can focus more on what he needs to do to accomplish his career goals.  In addition to our reading time, I've added a game or play time with B.  After some melt-downs and a rough morning today with lots of anger and tears (I put syrup on his French toast), I've come to the conclusion that he needs more attention from me.  He gets a lot of attention from J and Grandma these days, but he needs to feel my love and involvement in his life.  We know he's just reacting to his circumstances, so I'm trying to step up his support system and give him a better outlet for his frustration.  Hopefully doing these things will help all of my boys (including Baby) while I'm on bed rest.

Day 23: Family Stress

I knew bed rest would take its toll on me, but I didn't, however, anticipate how life-changing this experience would be for my son and husband.  Bed rest is stressful for me because I'm worried about the baby 24/7, I can't give B the normalcy he needs while laying down, and I can't carry out my usual duties that help our house run and take pressure off of J.  I also don't like depending on J (and others) for all my needs and feel extremely demanding.  It's been hard for me to let go of some things, but I'm managing to live with messes like the ones below.  It's difficult to find a good balance right now while I'm down and out and because J is taking on so much, he is super stressed, and I know B is feeling a bit traumatized by all this too.  I hate how much my being laid up has disrupted their lives. 

 

Like I mentioned the other day, J is preparing to take his state boards but even with others' help, because he's been taking care of me and B, cooking meals at my demand, and doing chores, he hasn't been able to study much.  That's something he needs to do so he can pass his test and start working.  I can't help but feel that my being on bed rest a hindrance to his progress because he worries so much about me and is trying to be at my beckon call.  He's even mentioned that it was easier for him not to worry about my needs when I was in the hospital.   The stress while I'm on bed rest has caused  some tension, but I have to remember we're all just doing our best, and we have to cut each other some slack.  I know J is going out of his way to serve me, so all I can do is show my appreciation in return and help how I can.  Speaking of serving, if anyone has any SUPER easy meal ideas so he doesn't feel so burdened, that would be great.  I have some crock pot and casserole recipes he can throw together, but it's still stressful for him to do much meal prep when he's trying to study, work, and take care of his family.   

B has also been feeling the stress.  The poor kid has had MAJOR meltdowns the last two nights and even cried himself to sleep.  I can't help but feel he's traumatized and that it's my fault because I can't parent and function normally while on bed rest.  Adjusting to me being on bed rest has been difficult on all  of us, and I pray that we can find the balance we need to survive this AND get Baby here safely in as many weeks as possible. I'm just thankful that each day gives us a fresh start.  I'm also thankful for prayer which I know can get our entire family (including Baby Boy) through this difficult time.  This afternoon was much better, as I had dinner planned, B and I did our reading time, and we started taking down the Christmas decor (It's about time, I know).  Hopefully this trend continues and we can find a "normal" for life on bed rest.